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  • Writer's picturelifexploratrice

The almost real dream

Updated: May 18, 2022

I titled the last one A Brief Word of Love. I look at the concept of dreaming through my perception. I imply that the periods of dreams at night, i.e. when I am no longer conscious of the material exterior (the body for example), correspond to "experiences" as intense, if not more so, than "everyday life".

I put "experiences" in quotation marks in order to ask the following questions: Is life an experience? Are there experiences in life? How can an experience be life? And if so, according to your observations, if experiences are life, how is it possible for me to distinguish the two?

Similarly, I put "everyday" in quotes to ask: What is everyday? Do I observe that sleep is distinct from material waking or do I not observe a duality of concept? Is it not, at a certain layer of perception, a whole?

With this opening framework, I share with you a text that I wrote about a year ago. I titled this "dream", Assisted Death.

Before you read it, I would like to explain to you that it was while I was still unconscious but physically awake that my fingers typed this text. I was not aware of who I was (I'm talking about the Marie identity here, not the essence). So it was not Mary who wrote it but part of the dream itself. I don't know if this makes sense to you. If it makes you feel better I still don't understand this phenomenon. In order to share it, I want to be as authentic as possible. So I have not rewritten the text to improve the syntax etc. I hope it remains understandable all the same.

Assisted death:

Half awake in the night with my heart pounding with the feeling that this dream is not like the others, still asleep, I turn on my laptop and type, unconsciously, the words that come.

Scene 1:

"In this city. Where the air is good, the wind soft, the greenery breathtaking. Wind of tranquility. We talk to the man - founder of a new organization that will save everyone - near his garage. Green moss, a green halo that draws the whole landscape. Absolute well-being. I remark that this would be an environment I could see myself living in. We wish the man happiness and love. He answers -expression tired because he works hard for this mission which is dear to his heart, this work in which he tries to put all his love. The place and we were full of love. We were talking to each other with love. Everything was flowing with love. He answers us that, because of this quantity of work (near his garage ready to leave by bicycle, we have just taken the train to arrive here) he will not have time to have children. I look at him a little dazed and look at Max. I visualize the possibility of having children. I smile. 

Scene 2:

Louise and I in an apartment. In a tower, high floor. In the window room. Dark and lighted room. A hospital bed and this lady ready to die. We talk about how much we love her, in another space-time. (See remark).

We return in the room. It is good she is really going to die now. A bedside lamp is in the room. A lady/nurse is near her on the bed. She undressed her. She leaves.

She is weak, her body drawn with long, thick muscles and a slimmed down belly at the same time. She gets up, with immense weakness. Leaning on the bedside table, the love in the room is immense (see remark). I look at this woman between sadness, contemplation and love. She is told that she should not get up, that she is going to die. 

Her body is blue, cadaverous. The skin is soft and fragile. She insists. It scares me a little. But love is stronger. I offer to support her. She wants to be on her own. The scene is slow. We see with detail and slowness this woman who is struggling, weak and at the same time strong with her last wishes, trying to stand. I look out the window, with Louise at my side. Outside we see the other skyscrapers. The blue light of the fire invades the city. I tell the lady about it, as if it were a climatic condition and that we should think about remedying it. That the future generation should find a solution. That it was another puzzle to solve. 

We live the same things in our beings. (Louise and I). We are filled with love, sadness and fear of death. We watch this terrible and beautiful moment come.

She sits on the floor. She is beautiful. Louise stands to her right. We look at each other. We know. She knows. 

However, as a rebel (her wish embodies, in the scene, her beauty), she wishes to tell a story. We tell ourselves in our heads (telepathies) that it will be easier for her to die by telling something. We say to ourselves ok. We tell her ok. Then she lies down, naked, on the ground. The two of us beside her (literally). The room is dark blue, dark. We listen to her telling a story. A story that one tells to a child before going to sleep. We all prepare for the inevitable. I look at her. She knows. She continues smiling, living her little story. I remember the landscape from earlier, calm. I observe her face (she has fine hair). Then I wish to be present (mentally) when she blows her last words. (Dreamy look that was towards the glass redirects itself towards her with intensity, there was a moment of absence in the dream itself).- The room is quite empty otherwise. Full of darkness and our love, fear.- It's okay she finishes her story and, her last breath, slowly, goes away. I wondered if she should be afraid of it, of death. If, in fact, I should not cry because she will go to a much better place than mine. She fades away. The room is filled with a gigantic love. The love is very strong. It surpasses any other feeling. And becomes the main actor.

A voice is heard. That of the narrator: "With these last words, she distracted herself by telling a story of life before she died, she declared the love she had for life, before she died (see remark). It was a bit like the mother of life who, her time coming (see note), spoke passionately about her child. Her love was immense." 

-When she told the story it was sweet, hence the moment of absence-.

 The word Love remains, Love transcends the scene, the scene no longer exists. Only Love is. 

The end. 

Little by little I become aware of my thoughts. Thus, gradually from the writing of the remarks I feel fully awake as Mary. Remarks:

- it is possible that the feeling of intense love was only present at the end of the dream, when she died. And that it was transcribed all over the place because I was still feeling it when I woke up. 

It can be different degrees/sources of love throughout the dream. For example, the love at the end can also come from the same love carried by the woman (love for life).

- It seems to me that Louise and I were a kind of messenger/angel. That we were sent by the universe to assist this lady. And that the moment when we are in a "space-time" corresponds to this state where we are in the universe (I transcribe that we speak about the love that we have for the lady but I believe that we discussed the fact that we would be sent to this lady who was going to die, from where the "it is good she is going to die now") and that we appear then in the room. The spatio-temporal spaces are not dualistically separated. It's like changing the TV channel. 

- I changed the words "before dying" to "going out" and its "time coming" so as not to repeat the same thing. But these are not the words that came to me during the transcription. Also, the title was put together after the fact. 

Morning note: There was something real in it.


- Marie Mazeau Yoga teacher in Paris and online internationally. Beyond time and space. Guiding with gentleness, mindfulness and Joy.


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