It has been a while since I wrote a heart-to-heart post for you.
I have to say that Instagram is really fun to use. When I don't have much to say I can post a sentence and on the other hand I can share a generous text with you without the pressure of looking for a title, paragraphs, illustrations, to put it all on the page so it is pleasant. In short, all the work that goes into writing and publishing an article is not asked there.
In the last few days I felt a new wave coming on.
At first I thought it would be a "social networking break".
I start to receive messages with which I feel less safe to share what I want. Messages where they give me their opinion on what I write in posts and stories. I feel a kind of dehumanization. I think it is because I don't share as much as I used to. It is then easy to think that the texts, photos are published to prove a point of view, to convince, to be an example or whatever. Altough I am not comfortable with those things. They don't resonate at all.
One of the values of Lifexploratrice is to recognize the freedom and wholeness already alive in everyone. It's not about trying to correct or control.
It is about love.
That's where the idea for this article comes from.
With an open heart.
Towards the end of the regular article publications, at the end of 2019, things were moving at a rapid pace.
The thing is, words fail me.
On the one hand, because literally there are no words that can share what I refer to unless you want a specialist, theoretical explanation. On the other hand, because I am still processing a lot of this stuff organically, it scares me a bit to put words on it. Knowing their power. Scared to put these things down.
There are a lot of insights, behind the scenes, that you don't know about if you only follow me on social media. It is also possible that this is why I felt the call to privilege the action in what I refer to as 3D more than the blog and the Youtube channel.
When I find myself in front of the words I perceive all their paradox, their limit.
And the thing is that a lot of the unsaid things I refer to are not pink, that I gave you the nectar that came out of not easy peasy experiences, such as a sexual harassment in a professional environment added to the whole of these recurrent traumatic experiences when one is embodied with a "woman" body (scrubbers in the subway, disrespectful remarks and gestures, decision not to dress too lightly or artistically at the risk of feeling insecure in the street, transportation), a psychological manipulation, toxic in a frame that sold itself as being spiritual, pressures at the financial level, linked to age, expectations of society. Disconnection between a clear vision and other expectations. Lots of reflections on a lot of topics related to self-employment.
Loved ones living in great suffering on a daily basis. A hypersensitivity, empathy, determination and decision sometimes criticized. I have never received as much verbal and written violence as I have since I started in the yoga service.
Reflections and criticisms on the current educational system, the precariousness of the status of self-employed, people who work in the service industry, art, things that shock me in the "yoga sector".
I have a lot of experiences, fights that weigh on my heart. That I try to store up but that weigh on me all the same.
I have also had chronic headaches for almost 2 years. Nobody knows why. I am the first one to be confused.
All this to say that these things are there. I didn't want to talk about it because I started the blog in the spirit of service and not as a diary or therapeutic exercise. But now, I think I need to do that.
Thank you.
Lifexploratrice
- Marie Mazeau Yoga teacher in Paris and online internationally. Beyond time and space. Guiding with gentleness, mindfulness and Joy.